Phone Follies

Nothing's more dangerous than the telephone. If you need to keep in contact with your paramour, however sloppy phone usage can expose your affair, bringing your philandering to a quick, expensive and messy end.

Never use your Home Phone

Never make any calls or receive any at home. In fact, you shouldn't even give your lover your home number, and if you haven't already done so, you should get your listing removed from the phone directory. If you do need to make or receive calls from home, here are some things to watch out for:

• Caller ID:  If you have caller ID, get rid of it. If that's not practical, get your lover to get caller ID blocking for ALL the numbers she calls from. Or train her to block selectively (see your phone book for instructions on how to do this). Obviously, after receiving a call from your lover, be sure to delete it from the caller ID display.

• Phone Bill: Never make a long distance or toll call to your lover, since it will show up on your phone bill. The best way around this is to get a prepaid phone calling card. Get your lover one too, to use when calling you.

• Last-Number Redial: Almost all phones these days, have last-number redial. If you ever call your lover, make sure to make another call after it to clear the redial buffer on your phone.

• *69: On most phone systems these days, pressing *69 will automatically call back the last person who called you. You don't need to sign up for this service for it to be activated, but you CAN call up the phone company and de-activate it. Do that right away.

Be Careful With Cell Phones

Cell phones are dangerous for a variety of reasons. 

1. The bill lists all the phone numbers of the calls you make AND receive.
   
   The best way around this is to switch to a prepaid cell phone service where there's no bill. If that's not practical, many cell phone companies let you switch from a mailed bill to an on-line bill. Do this and delete the on line bill.
    

2. Most cell phones keep a list of the last 5-20 numbers called and received.
   
    Be sure to clear this list all the time. Check your phone's manual (also available on the manufacturer's web site) to see if you can turn off this feature entirely.
    

3. Many people keep a phonebook in their cell phone.
   
   The solution to this is simple: MEMORIZE your lover's number, don't put it in the phone. If you need to write it down somewhere to remember it, at least change a few of the numbers so it can't be decoded.

The best one of these tips is; to turn on the security feature of your cell phone so it can't be used without entering a password. Of course, pick a password that no one can guess

Using a Pager

A pager's a good way to keep in touch. Just make sure your lover doesn't page you with their real phone number. Give them a fake number to use or an agreed-upon code. However, make sure to clear the pager's memory as much as possible.

Using Voicemail

First of all, make sure your voicemail password is absolutely secret and impossible to guess. Second, always delete any messages you receive from your lover IMMEDIATELY after receiving them. Third, be careful, some phones have display screens that keep a record of the last number dialed that might also record your password; same is true for the redial on your phone. Make sure to clear both, whenever you check voicemail.